loner = loser

Ari ni dah 18 Julai rupanya....esok final exam untuk sem khas..technically aku x ready lagi and aku xde mood nak study...why oh why? aku ni x pernah serik...diri ini mmg loser, hidup macam dah xde matlamat idup....lost myself...i have nothing to be proud of...boyfren? xde...dah konvo? belom...dush3 mak plak asek tanya bila nak beli tiket nak pg konvo aku...aku asek cakap nanti2 padahal aku tau mmg aku x dapek nak konvo tahun ni..hadoi, sadisnya hidup ini....ada org nak usha aku dari dulu pun aku tipu dy...aku cakap aku dah abes, konvo nanti bulan 10...org yg aku usha dah lari dah...lama dah x kontek...dy carik aku bila ada benda je...xlama lg bestday dy...wish je la cam biasa...dy pon wish je aku dulu walopun xbg hadiah...buat baik berpada2 buat jahat jgn skali...now pun hidup sensorg...loner & loser...but still ada org masih respect aku...slagi org xtau cerita sebenar aku...walo apa pun hidup mesti diteruskan...ingatlah wahai 'aku', sesungguhnya ada yang lebih malang daripada dirimu...berhidup dgn apa yg ada, bersyukur dgn apa yg ada, berkasih dgn apa yg ada...insyaAllah semoga berjaya...Amin...

no body heard me...

ntah...tibe2 pening kepala...tp actually dr petang td kot...balik dr lab...sblm tu wat thesis ngn K..ada la dlm sepage je....sadis x??? naseb bek ptg td xde org ronda2...cuak jugak berdua2an..kang tiba2 kena tangkap basah...dah ajak dah Al & Ac tp dyorg cakap xnak wat kat lab...biarlah...dah alang2 sampai, buat je la...ok nak dijadikan cerita hari ni ada perasaan kecewa with every body around. 1st budak2 lab la.... slalu bila ajak utk wat observation ke ape ke aku di ajak sbb Al agak cuak sbb yg len sume mamats yg agak berotak kotor pluz P tu mintak tolong...utk menjadi org ke3 dan mengelakkan kes tangkap basah...tp bila ajak Al td dy cam xnak plak..yea, maybe aku x pandai mengajak or mmg biasanya aku bukan jenis merayu...bila org xnak aku rayu bagai nak rak...dats not my type bebeh...kes ke2 ialah....eh ni kes pertama, budak lab tu kes ke2...kes pertama ialah sedih ngn anak2 murid ku...mereka sngtlah gedik...i dun know tp memang la...aku mengajar kat depan bukan dy nak pay attention...aku mmg la x pandai sngt mengajar tp plz la hormat cekgu yg kt depan...(suddenly terasa ini adalah karma buat tyme lecture) tp the thing is dyorang budak lg kot...kalau skrg dah mcm ni perangai, inikan bila dah tua nanti..btw aku nak wat statement...tak suka budak darjah 4...kalo darjah 5 tu aku ngam cket...dgar apa aku ajar...budak darjah 4 ni geng nora...pfffffttttt rasa nak menyumpah je budak2 tu but dats not my style, and maybe becoz of my style, budak2 tu xnak belajar...sumenya berpunca drpd diri sendiri...Encik S panggil aku cikgu terlalu baek hati...tibe2 rasa nak berhenti keje plak....ok kes ke 3 utk ari ni...ntah benda ni aku terpiker tyme balik dr lab td...yelah aku mintak tolong Miss Y kutip aku kat lab sbb aku malas jln kaki (sape suke)...biasanya Miss Y ni x bnyk songeh...bila aku x mintak dy selalu offer..bila aku mintak biasanya dy mmg tolong...nak djadikan cerita, aku mintak tolong kutip la...pastu dy ckp aku nak belanja ke? aku cakap boleh tp pakapau je la...actually, indirectly aku nak mengajak dyorg makan kat ctu...dyorg x penah pegi pon...tp bg aku situ best je kalo nak makan...tp dyorg xnak...oh aku lupe...dyorg tu bermaksud including Miss M...pendek cite Miss M ni rumet aku dan ada bnyk benda aku x suke ttg dy...tp biasala x sume benda kite suke ttg org tu...sume org ada kelebihan dan kekurangan...aku pon bnyk kekurangan....xdela, ko imagine la... dy xde benda pon tp taste nak tinggi2...sudah2 la berangan tu...kite dah x dlm dunia bisnes yg memusnahkan minda aku...kira naseib bek jugak la dy kan, sbb aku x membenci dy sngt...sbb dy dah musnahkan my plan of life...dulu cantik je idup aku...eh, ni dah melalut dah...nanti2 lah nak mengumpat pasal tu...xde la aku terasa sngt dipinggirkan ari ni...masa otw balik bilik td aku terfikir, i always say yes to them...aku ajak g makan pakapau sekali pon xnak pg...and actually biasanya kalo Miss B mintak kutip dy pastu pg lunch dy on je...okla aku taula aku menumpang je...suara ku x didengari...my charisma dah x macam dulu la beb...skrg zaman kejatuhan diri ini...persoalannya sekarang, mampukah aku untuk bangkit semula seperti yg telah dilakukan oleh gaga( dy asek jatuh atas stage tyme perform and terus bgn pas jatuh...very professional, bulan ni 2 kali dah kena)...ok sambung cite, td Miss M ni mintak tolong Miss Y ni mengurut...aku bgtau kot aku nak diurut jugak tp nampak nya permintaan ku mcm diignorekan...so aku monyok memasamkan diri sbb kepala ku pening pluz xde mood pluz merajuk ngn dyorg...so bila Miss M ajak dinner td aku diam je n cakap xnak ikut...btw muka aku buruk skarang sbb muke yg bengkek gilerrrrrrrr.....

mimpi indah?

ntah ape2 la mimpi pagi tadi... termimpi kapel ngn Neil Patrick Harris... sigh seronok nya kalo betol...kih3 he's very funny u know.. he's my type.. tp yg menyedihkan adalah realiti sebenar.. he's a gay...damn shit! okla, nak cite sikit pasal mimpi td...kitorg jalan2 sampai ke petshop...xtau la nape petshop... he suddenly hug me from behind and bg cincin... cantik jugak, batu besar...aku pon rileks je pastu aku whisper kt dy... "oh, is this the ring dat u always show to ur girlfrens?" pastu dy cakap x...and x bleh blah kan dy tunjuk kegunaan cincin tu...tau x guna untuk apa? untuk bg tikus dy minum...pusing2 ckit pastu air kuar...namala mimpi kan, sngt la x logik part tu...aku pon excited... borak2 la jugak...ada satu ayat tu cam sweet sngt...aku merajuk kot pastu dy cakap "xyah la buat muka comel cam_____" aku x pasti nama sape dy sebut tp merujuk kpd artis yg comel ekekek...oh ya, yg td tu dy speaking la...kapel ngn omputih kenala speaking...pastu dy nak belikan aku anak harimau...kelakar kan...pastu aku gelabah aku x reti nak speaking...tibe2 ada colbie smulders, dy plak translate apa yg aku ckp dlm bm tu...aku tnya macam mana kalau harimau ni terlepas? and dy jawab, anak harimau tu mcm aku...lari2 pon nanti tetap akan pulang ke rumah...how sweet...

hmm kan best kalo betol kan...but the thing is it makes me wonder and realize, aku mmg suke player or playgirl(merujuk kpd cite how i met your mother)...mulut manis, and pandai layan aku...tp aku rasa semua pompuan macam tu kot...suke dilayan macam princess...mudah tertarik dgn org macam tu...hopefully nanti bila aku fall in love ngn sumone camtu, aku berdoa dy akan setia dgn aku sorang je...amin....oh bilakah hari itu?

saya sedih dan sakit ati

Sangatla sakit ati!!!!...y my love story mcm ni?...mengharap pada 'org yg x sudi'....'org yg x sudi' tu plak asek cerita pasal 'kwn kite'...'kwn kite' plak still macam mempermainkan perasaan 'org yg x sudi'...WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON??? xbleh nak tdo kerana sngt sedih dan sakit ati... i know he trusted me bcoz i'm her best fren...but y shud u tell me those stories? it seems like u need my help and i try to help u but it didn't work...so i'm sorry, really2 sorry..and yet if u need my help, suddenly u came into my life again and all what u care is about she, she & she...plz la jgn cite lg...sy sakit tau x...sakit sngt2 dbuat cenggini...mmg slh sy, sy x bgtau awk tp sy takut nak bgtau awk sbb sy takut awk lari drpd sy utk selamanya...plz jgn seksa sy lg boleyh?...awk buat sy menangis jugak mcm R buat kat sy...sy xtau nak buat...if la kan org baca blog ni blh x bg opinion? what shud i do? sy jahat sbb bmuke2 jugak...tp sume tanggung dlm ati...maybe slh sy jugak...i'm not attractive enough for him...xnampak sy langsung...nampak dy sorg je...tp siyesly sy dah pnat dgr sume ni...blh x jgn cite psl dy...u r killing me softly...daym it!

pemalas

"bila aku tengok ko x belajar, aku pon cam terpengaruh sama...ko maen laptop, aku pon cam nak men same...kalo aku pegi bilik org len, sume org semangat nak study" <--- aku la bersalah kiranya dalam hal ni...huh, padahal dy pon sama je stress pas exam... logik la aku mls nak study ari ni...tp thank you la sebab ajak aku study sama... at least xdela kosong sangat otak ni... tp aku amik ati ayat ko tadi.. pening plak kpala aku nih... mintak maap la kalo aku menyebabkan ko malas jugak tp aku rasa aku pon bnyk terpengaruh ngn ko jugak... ko asek bawak aku jalan2... tengok apa dah jadi kat aku sekarang... i'm addicted u know... tp overall mmg la salah aku...aku yg sangat terbawak2, x pandai nak bahagi masa...sigh, knape la aku jadi pemalas mcm ni... ni last sem tau, kalo ko xwat elok2 xyahla grad...pastu ko mengecewakan mak ko & memalukan family...terok betol la ko ni, xkan x hensap lagi!!! tp dalam hati satu lagi kata, "aku mmg dah xnak belajar...cam dah giv up tp sbb mak bg harapan tinggi, hutang nanti cane nak bayar... pastu asek extend je belajar... bila nak abes??? asek nak susahkan org je???dah2 la blogging tu, meh study... esok nak exam nih jgn mls2 ok

Mr. A-N

The other day i try an application at facebook... I forgot what is the name of the application... But if i'm not mistaken, who is ur bf's name (first & last letter)... well, i got A.......N huhuhuhu suddenly a name appeared in my head... so i named him Mr. A-N... only me knows the real name of him....hihihi

Friday morning, i wanted to send a sms to him but i changed my mind later... my heart said dat he will contact me soon... And dat midnight, he called me... It surprises me... Is it a coincidence or is it deja vu. Yeah, he is a maniac... He asked 'nafkah batin' from me... LOL! he is not serious, believe me... I dunno why did he always joking about those things (durex, what happens when a girl get excited, tips how to hav a big breast, he pretend to be a maknyah & etc)... I really wander... I asked a male fren not so long time ago... A man will talk dirty not with his loved ones...

When i remember dat thing, i always remind myself dat he's not into me... And i asked him once why did he always talk dirty with me... he said dat i always 'layan' him... What he meant was i'm a good listener and also a good responder... i guess... but sumtimes i do feel dat he will come to me when he is bored... nothing to do...and maybe i'm the last one from the list...

Like i said he likes my fren not me... And God, plz give me strength to live my life... I tried to forget him and i'm sure he'll never ever lost contact with me... I think he really trust me as a fren, a good fren... I remembered when he told me a story about his excoursemate... dat gal is beautiful, sexy but she is a smoker & not virgin... i asked him why dun u try to get her... he said dat "i'm different... when my head says dat she's only a fren, she is... usually i will fall for a gal which i dun know her yet"... dush! a punch got straight to my chest.... dat means i will never had a chance to be with him... see truth is pain...but i still hopping sumday he'll accept me or i will find sumone new...

Yeah, plz open my heart for sumone else...erk i think the right say is "Ya Allah, meet me sumone new...at least he will try to 'ngorat' me... pity me, i'm single for a long time oready"... huh, i still remember a gal fren asked me "u hav a lot of male frens and not one of them is ur bf???"...dush another punch... punch over punch and yet there is no sign of getting new one.... or is it becoz of i'm HEARTLESS??... deym it, I'M MISS HEARTLESS...

Okla, Mr A-N... I want to go to bed... this song is for you.... Muahhhsss

UNTUK SELAMANYA


Andainya ku pergi
Usah disesali
Kerana ku sangsi
Adakah cinta masih di sini

Andainya kau tahu
Ku mencintaimu
Ku pasti dirimu
Tak akan tegar melukaiku

Sampai bila akan begini
Menyimpan rahsia hati
Relakanlah aku pergi
Walau cinta masih di hati
Dan air mata menemani
Langkah ku yang semakin tak pasti
Membawa kelukaan ini

Bila sampai waktu nanti
Ku harap kau kan mengerti
Mungkin bahagia atau derita
takdir ku terima

Andainya kau tahu
Ku mencintaimu
Ku pasti dirimu
Tak akan tegar melukaiku

Sampai bila akan begini menyimpan rahsia hati
Relakanlah aku pergi
Walau cinta masih di hati
Dan air mata menemani
Langkahku yang semakin tak pasti
Membawa kelukaan ini
Bila sampai waktu nanti
Ku harap kau kan mengerti
Mungkin bahagia atau derita
takdir ku terima

Oh Tuhan tunjukkanlah cahaya kebenaran
Kenangan bersamamu
Kan bersemadi untuk selamanya

Abg sy suke membebel...

Ya, abg sy suke membebel...macam pompuan! I know la sy x pandai... sy student yg extend, pemalas... i know i deserved the bebelan tp now it coz me tension... mood utk study smakin hilang (ragu2 kewujudan mood itu)... "asal result ko teruk, x konvo2, bile ko nak keje ni" bla3...huhu yeah, it's the truth... like i said truth is pain...i admit that everything he said are the truths... it's juz me who doesn't want to believe it..."asek kuar je, belajar malas"..hmmm i dunno...actually i was a hardworking student before but after how many years of studying, my motivation decreases slowly.... hmmm i miss old ME... Ya Allah bukakanlah pintu hati hambaMu ini untuk belajar bersungguh2...insaflah wahai insan, kelak dikau akan menyesal jika tidak berubah dari sekarang....Allah tidak akan mengubah nasib sesuatu kaum melainkan kaum itu sendiri mengubahnya...my exams will start in december but it doesn't mean dat i can 'goyang kaki'... INSAFLAH....JANGAN LEKA BERFACEBOOK JE!!!! SAYANGI MAK, JANGAN BIAR DIA KECEWA... plz keep diz quote in mind because i know u are a manusia....manusia means org yg mudah lupa...