loner = loser

Ari ni dah 18 Julai rupanya....esok final exam untuk sem khas..technically aku x ready lagi and aku xde mood nak study...why oh why? aku ni x pernah serik...diri ini mmg loser, hidup macam dah xde matlamat idup....lost myself...i have nothing to be proud of...boyfren? xde...dah konvo? belom...dush3 mak plak asek tanya bila nak beli tiket nak pg konvo aku...aku asek cakap nanti2 padahal aku tau mmg aku x dapek nak konvo tahun ni..hadoi, sadisnya hidup ini....ada org nak usha aku dari dulu pun aku tipu dy...aku cakap aku dah abes, konvo nanti bulan 10...org yg aku usha dah lari dah...lama dah x kontek...dy carik aku bila ada benda je...xlama lg bestday dy...wish je la cam biasa...dy pon wish je aku dulu walopun xbg hadiah...buat baik berpada2 buat jahat jgn skali...now pun hidup sensorg...loner & loser...but still ada org masih respect aku...slagi org xtau cerita sebenar aku...walo apa pun hidup mesti diteruskan...ingatlah wahai 'aku', sesungguhnya ada yang lebih malang daripada dirimu...berhidup dgn apa yg ada, bersyukur dgn apa yg ada, berkasih dgn apa yg ada...insyaAllah semoga berjaya...Amin...

no body heard me...

ntah...tibe2 pening kepala...tp actually dr petang td kot...balik dr lab...sblm tu wat thesis ngn K..ada la dlm sepage je....sadis x??? naseb bek ptg td xde org ronda2...cuak jugak berdua2an..kang tiba2 kena tangkap basah...dah ajak dah Al & Ac tp dyorg cakap xnak wat kat lab...biarlah...dah alang2 sampai, buat je la...ok nak dijadikan cerita hari ni ada perasaan kecewa with every body around. 1st budak2 lab la.... slalu bila ajak utk wat observation ke ape ke aku di ajak sbb Al agak cuak sbb yg len sume mamats yg agak berotak kotor pluz P tu mintak tolong...utk menjadi org ke3 dan mengelakkan kes tangkap basah...tp bila ajak Al td dy cam xnak plak..yea, maybe aku x pandai mengajak or mmg biasanya aku bukan jenis merayu...bila org xnak aku rayu bagai nak rak...dats not my type bebeh...kes ke2 ialah....eh ni kes pertama, budak lab tu kes ke2...kes pertama ialah sedih ngn anak2 murid ku...mereka sngtlah gedik...i dun know tp memang la...aku mengajar kat depan bukan dy nak pay attention...aku mmg la x pandai sngt mengajar tp plz la hormat cekgu yg kt depan...(suddenly terasa ini adalah karma buat tyme lecture) tp the thing is dyorang budak lg kot...kalau skrg dah mcm ni perangai, inikan bila dah tua nanti..btw aku nak wat statement...tak suka budak darjah 4...kalo darjah 5 tu aku ngam cket...dgar apa aku ajar...budak darjah 4 ni geng nora...pfffffttttt rasa nak menyumpah je budak2 tu but dats not my style, and maybe becoz of my style, budak2 tu xnak belajar...sumenya berpunca drpd diri sendiri...Encik S panggil aku cikgu terlalu baek hati...tibe2 rasa nak berhenti keje plak....ok kes ke 3 utk ari ni...ntah benda ni aku terpiker tyme balik dr lab td...yelah aku mintak tolong Miss Y kutip aku kat lab sbb aku malas jln kaki (sape suke)...biasanya Miss Y ni x bnyk songeh...bila aku x mintak dy selalu offer..bila aku mintak biasanya dy mmg tolong...nak djadikan cerita, aku mintak tolong kutip la...pastu dy ckp aku nak belanja ke? aku cakap boleh tp pakapau je la...actually, indirectly aku nak mengajak dyorg makan kat ctu...dyorg x penah pegi pon...tp bg aku situ best je kalo nak makan...tp dyorg xnak...oh aku lupe...dyorg tu bermaksud including Miss M...pendek cite Miss M ni rumet aku dan ada bnyk benda aku x suke ttg dy...tp biasala x sume benda kite suke ttg org tu...sume org ada kelebihan dan kekurangan...aku pon bnyk kekurangan....xdela, ko imagine la... dy xde benda pon tp taste nak tinggi2...sudah2 la berangan tu...kite dah x dlm dunia bisnes yg memusnahkan minda aku...kira naseib bek jugak la dy kan, sbb aku x membenci dy sngt...sbb dy dah musnahkan my plan of life...dulu cantik je idup aku...eh, ni dah melalut dah...nanti2 lah nak mengumpat pasal tu...xde la aku terasa sngt dipinggirkan ari ni...masa otw balik bilik td aku terfikir, i always say yes to them...aku ajak g makan pakapau sekali pon xnak pg...and actually biasanya kalo Miss B mintak kutip dy pastu pg lunch dy on je...okla aku taula aku menumpang je...suara ku x didengari...my charisma dah x macam dulu la beb...skrg zaman kejatuhan diri ini...persoalannya sekarang, mampukah aku untuk bangkit semula seperti yg telah dilakukan oleh gaga( dy asek jatuh atas stage tyme perform and terus bgn pas jatuh...very professional, bulan ni 2 kali dah kena)...ok sambung cite, td Miss M ni mintak tolong Miss Y ni mengurut...aku bgtau kot aku nak diurut jugak tp nampak nya permintaan ku mcm diignorekan...so aku monyok memasamkan diri sbb kepala ku pening pluz xde mood pluz merajuk ngn dyorg...so bila Miss M ajak dinner td aku diam je n cakap xnak ikut...btw muka aku buruk skarang sbb muke yg bengkek gilerrrrrrrr.....

mimpi indah?

ntah ape2 la mimpi pagi tadi... termimpi kapel ngn Neil Patrick Harris... sigh seronok nya kalo betol...kih3 he's very funny u know.. he's my type.. tp yg menyedihkan adalah realiti sebenar.. he's a gay...damn shit! okla, nak cite sikit pasal mimpi td...kitorg jalan2 sampai ke petshop...xtau la nape petshop... he suddenly hug me from behind and bg cincin... cantik jugak, batu besar...aku pon rileks je pastu aku whisper kt dy... "oh, is this the ring dat u always show to ur girlfrens?" pastu dy cakap x...and x bleh blah kan dy tunjuk kegunaan cincin tu...tau x guna untuk apa? untuk bg tikus dy minum...pusing2 ckit pastu air kuar...namala mimpi kan, sngt la x logik part tu...aku pon excited... borak2 la jugak...ada satu ayat tu cam sweet sngt...aku merajuk kot pastu dy cakap "xyah la buat muka comel cam_____" aku x pasti nama sape dy sebut tp merujuk kpd artis yg comel ekekek...oh ya, yg td tu dy speaking la...kapel ngn omputih kenala speaking...pastu dy nak belikan aku anak harimau...kelakar kan...pastu aku gelabah aku x reti nak speaking...tibe2 ada colbie smulders, dy plak translate apa yg aku ckp dlm bm tu...aku tnya macam mana kalau harimau ni terlepas? and dy jawab, anak harimau tu mcm aku...lari2 pon nanti tetap akan pulang ke rumah...how sweet...

hmm kan best kalo betol kan...but the thing is it makes me wonder and realize, aku mmg suke player or playgirl(merujuk kpd cite how i met your mother)...mulut manis, and pandai layan aku...tp aku rasa semua pompuan macam tu kot...suke dilayan macam princess...mudah tertarik dgn org macam tu...hopefully nanti bila aku fall in love ngn sumone camtu, aku berdoa dy akan setia dgn aku sorang je...amin....oh bilakah hari itu?

saya sedih dan sakit ati

Sangatla sakit ati!!!!...y my love story mcm ni?...mengharap pada 'org yg x sudi'....'org yg x sudi' tu plak asek cerita pasal 'kwn kite'...'kwn kite' plak still macam mempermainkan perasaan 'org yg x sudi'...WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON??? xbleh nak tdo kerana sngt sedih dan sakit ati... i know he trusted me bcoz i'm her best fren...but y shud u tell me those stories? it seems like u need my help and i try to help u but it didn't work...so i'm sorry, really2 sorry..and yet if u need my help, suddenly u came into my life again and all what u care is about she, she & she...plz la jgn cite lg...sy sakit tau x...sakit sngt2 dbuat cenggini...mmg slh sy, sy x bgtau awk tp sy takut nak bgtau awk sbb sy takut awk lari drpd sy utk selamanya...plz jgn seksa sy lg boleyh?...awk buat sy menangis jugak mcm R buat kat sy...sy xtau nak buat...if la kan org baca blog ni blh x bg opinion? what shud i do? sy jahat sbb bmuke2 jugak...tp sume tanggung dlm ati...maybe slh sy jugak...i'm not attractive enough for him...xnampak sy langsung...nampak dy sorg je...tp siyesly sy dah pnat dgr sume ni...blh x jgn cite psl dy...u r killing me softly...daym it!

pemalas

"bila aku tengok ko x belajar, aku pon cam terpengaruh sama...ko maen laptop, aku pon cam nak men same...kalo aku pegi bilik org len, sume org semangat nak study" <--- aku la bersalah kiranya dalam hal ni...huh, padahal dy pon sama je stress pas exam... logik la aku mls nak study ari ni...tp thank you la sebab ajak aku study sama... at least xdela kosong sangat otak ni... tp aku amik ati ayat ko tadi.. pening plak kpala aku nih... mintak maap la kalo aku menyebabkan ko malas jugak tp aku rasa aku pon bnyk terpengaruh ngn ko jugak... ko asek bawak aku jalan2... tengok apa dah jadi kat aku sekarang... i'm addicted u know... tp overall mmg la salah aku...aku yg sangat terbawak2, x pandai nak bahagi masa...sigh, knape la aku jadi pemalas mcm ni... ni last sem tau, kalo ko xwat elok2 xyahla grad...pastu ko mengecewakan mak ko & memalukan family...terok betol la ko ni, xkan x hensap lagi!!! tp dalam hati satu lagi kata, "aku mmg dah xnak belajar...cam dah giv up tp sbb mak bg harapan tinggi, hutang nanti cane nak bayar... pastu asek extend je belajar... bila nak abes??? asek nak susahkan org je???dah2 la blogging tu, meh study... esok nak exam nih jgn mls2 ok

Mr. A-N

The other day i try an application at facebook... I forgot what is the name of the application... But if i'm not mistaken, who is ur bf's name (first & last letter)... well, i got A.......N huhuhuhu suddenly a name appeared in my head... so i named him Mr. A-N... only me knows the real name of him....hihihi

Friday morning, i wanted to send a sms to him but i changed my mind later... my heart said dat he will contact me soon... And dat midnight, he called me... It surprises me... Is it a coincidence or is it deja vu. Yeah, he is a maniac... He asked 'nafkah batin' from me... LOL! he is not serious, believe me... I dunno why did he always joking about those things (durex, what happens when a girl get excited, tips how to hav a big breast, he pretend to be a maknyah & etc)... I really wander... I asked a male fren not so long time ago... A man will talk dirty not with his loved ones...

When i remember dat thing, i always remind myself dat he's not into me... And i asked him once why did he always talk dirty with me... he said dat i always 'layan' him... What he meant was i'm a good listener and also a good responder... i guess... but sumtimes i do feel dat he will come to me when he is bored... nothing to do...and maybe i'm the last one from the list...

Like i said he likes my fren not me... And God, plz give me strength to live my life... I tried to forget him and i'm sure he'll never ever lost contact with me... I think he really trust me as a fren, a good fren... I remembered when he told me a story about his excoursemate... dat gal is beautiful, sexy but she is a smoker & not virgin... i asked him why dun u try to get her... he said dat "i'm different... when my head says dat she's only a fren, she is... usually i will fall for a gal which i dun know her yet"... dush! a punch got straight to my chest.... dat means i will never had a chance to be with him... see truth is pain...but i still hopping sumday he'll accept me or i will find sumone new...

Yeah, plz open my heart for sumone else...erk i think the right say is "Ya Allah, meet me sumone new...at least he will try to 'ngorat' me... pity me, i'm single for a long time oready"... huh, i still remember a gal fren asked me "u hav a lot of male frens and not one of them is ur bf???"...dush another punch... punch over punch and yet there is no sign of getting new one.... or is it becoz of i'm HEARTLESS??... deym it, I'M MISS HEARTLESS...

Okla, Mr A-N... I want to go to bed... this song is for you.... Muahhhsss

UNTUK SELAMANYA


Andainya ku pergi
Usah disesali
Kerana ku sangsi
Adakah cinta masih di sini

Andainya kau tahu
Ku mencintaimu
Ku pasti dirimu
Tak akan tegar melukaiku

Sampai bila akan begini
Menyimpan rahsia hati
Relakanlah aku pergi
Walau cinta masih di hati
Dan air mata menemani
Langkah ku yang semakin tak pasti
Membawa kelukaan ini

Bila sampai waktu nanti
Ku harap kau kan mengerti
Mungkin bahagia atau derita
takdir ku terima

Andainya kau tahu
Ku mencintaimu
Ku pasti dirimu
Tak akan tegar melukaiku

Sampai bila akan begini menyimpan rahsia hati
Relakanlah aku pergi
Walau cinta masih di hati
Dan air mata menemani
Langkahku yang semakin tak pasti
Membawa kelukaan ini
Bila sampai waktu nanti
Ku harap kau kan mengerti
Mungkin bahagia atau derita
takdir ku terima

Oh Tuhan tunjukkanlah cahaya kebenaran
Kenangan bersamamu
Kan bersemadi untuk selamanya

Abg sy suke membebel...

Ya, abg sy suke membebel...macam pompuan! I know la sy x pandai... sy student yg extend, pemalas... i know i deserved the bebelan tp now it coz me tension... mood utk study smakin hilang (ragu2 kewujudan mood itu)... "asal result ko teruk, x konvo2, bile ko nak keje ni" bla3...huhu yeah, it's the truth... like i said truth is pain...i admit that everything he said are the truths... it's juz me who doesn't want to believe it..."asek kuar je, belajar malas"..hmmm i dunno...actually i was a hardworking student before but after how many years of studying, my motivation decreases slowly.... hmmm i miss old ME... Ya Allah bukakanlah pintu hati hambaMu ini untuk belajar bersungguh2...insaflah wahai insan, kelak dikau akan menyesal jika tidak berubah dari sekarang....Allah tidak akan mengubah nasib sesuatu kaum melainkan kaum itu sendiri mengubahnya...my exams will start in december but it doesn't mean dat i can 'goyang kaki'... INSAFLAH....JANGAN LEKA BERFACEBOOK JE!!!! SAYANGI MAK, JANGAN BIAR DIA KECEWA... plz keep diz quote in mind because i know u are a manusia....manusia means org yg mudah lupa...

Face The TRUTH!

Dis afternoon my supervisor came to observe our place... He was impressed wif the environment here... He asked us a few questions about work place and other things too. But there are things really hurt me. He said dat he more attracted to Miss Y. I dun know... I do admit I dun know how to speak very well like her.. But for me she speaks craps eventhough she looks very confident.... If he lives with her, he will know the truth... All she said were lies for me... Dunt ever trust her... Hypocryte! Hmmm am I jealous? Maybe but sumtimes I think the most important thing is to be yourself... Yes, I know I'm not dat good but she is a fake. And she got all the credits... Dis is not fair!! Well, I think I hav to face the truth... Be better person yea! Dun live on history but let the history teach you become a better person

JoT iT DoWn!

Do you know what? I like to keep several msgs dat I wanna reread it for myself.... It's like syok sendiri msg..hhiihihi
1. "ok set. minggu ni sy dpt mkn ct ***** masak.. yeay. lalala" (22/2/10 8.55pm)
"nk awk msk ;P" (26/2/2010 11.25pm)
- dis is my 1st time cooking for sumone... at that time i was hesitate becoz there is nothing between us but i do like him. and he seems really want me to cook for him...so i cooked spaghetti. i learned from my sis and do it myself... at dat time, his college has a festival(ptb if i'm not mistaken) and next week got midsem exams....I asked him out before but he wants to study. Me & Miss Y want to watch "My Name is Khan" at that time....Luckily Miss Y has a car & can help me to send the spaghetti to him. At that time it was very hot plus the air-cond was broken..When we arrive at his hostel, he gave us 2 pepsis & a jumper...(Miss Y always got problem with her car battery)...Waaaa how understanding he is...
2. "jom sarapan" (7/3/10 7.37am)
-dis msg i wasn't expected and i read it an hour after. I was awake at dat time and having my breakfast alone. When i replied, he said he oready had his breakfast, i was too late. hmm i accuse him 'hangat2 tahi ayam' coz i thot he didn't mean it.... actually he was from airport sending his supervisor.
3. "mkn xingt org..nk ckit..dh bka mulot :0 aaa (10/3/10 9.19pm)
'bkak mulot..aaa luas2 luas2" (11/3/10 7.37am)
-the first msg was when me, my sis & my brother in law went celebrating my sis bestday...we went for satay sahmuri at the uptown. nothing actually but i think dat msg is so cute... the next msg is when he was in his sister's house at ampang while his mother there too...he told me dat he was making breakfast... luckily i was awake at that time...hihih usually i still on my bed :D
4. mms photo of his car at workshop (13/3/2010 2.28am) "ds ni manja betol"
- luckily he was saved.... the brake was broken, almost got accident at duke highway....
5."lol.stahun lbih lg kot. klo sy kje tv3 bleh la duk sna. sy angkat awk jd bibik sy k. hahaha" (13/3/2010 3.21pm)
"hahaha blum ape2 dh up. xleh2 awk kna keja 24/7 =P" (13/3/2010 3.25pm)
-those msgs i kept...others i delete but i still can remember...i think so huhu...at dat time i was texting him bout how tired i was cleaning the house. and he asked how about the new house, who will clean it and who will stay at the current house. i asked him wether he wants to rent it? but a year after...ahahahha he wants me to be his bibik...i told him dat it's quite hard but i can clean it every saturday and mark up my salary...hahahha he said dat i shud stay wif him, stay at the small room near the kitchen...i told him...it is my room...hahah we had a long chat about that..

Prologue

It starts from Miss N... We are good frens actually since our pre-u... Hmm she knows him thru internet...I'm not sure how but i do admit Miss N likes to make a lot of frens, different from me... So when she went to kl(i think it's 2 years ago), she stayed wif me a night at my hostel. But the next morning they meet up at McD section 14... As usual, she will ask me to come along... As a fren, I'm hard to say NO... When I met him at the first time, I thought he was a senior. Becoz the way he behave, he looks very confident, the way he talk to us, very polite, softspoken and matured. I'm quite impressed with his attitude.
I thought they will be a couple becoz it seems dat he will do anything for her. Met her and her dad at the airport before depart. Always keep in touch(call everyday?)...For me a boyfren will do dat... I saw his concern and really envy of her. She is lucky to have him. But the 'couple thing' was did not happen. I try to help him to have Miss N back but she won't listen & told me, "he shud wif sumone better". And Miss N told me what she dislikes about him, plus she said she is 'tawar hati' oready. I dunno wat really happen between 2 of them. But some of her statements, i do agree he's like dat. But for me it is natural if a guy will say sumthing like dat. We r no more a teenager...We r old enough to accept certain facts.
Hmm well I thot I will never see him again becoz Miss N is not around. But not so long(maybe a month) after she went back to Kch, he asked me to join him for supper. He looks really messed up & tired. He said he was at the lab before he came to meet me at my college's cafe. I dunno, even I only met him once, I didn't feel awkward spending time wif him. Eating and hav a talk. Actually I dun really remember what we had discuss but the other day he said he still remember dat I suggest him to choose the best for his practical's location. REALLY! I dun remember about dis. Becoz dat happen maybe in two years ago. Huhu
How did we getting close now? Hmmm yes, he did save my fon no before. But I did not know dat he still kept it. I think it starts last year. Not so long after I got issue with Mr. R. Me & Miss Y were having our lunch at 12th residential. And there is a booth selling Hotlink's sim cards & reloads. Miss Y was buying a simcard for her nephew. And I thot of buying new one too becoz for certain reasons...hehehe dun want to mention it here...The most important think I want to buy it becoz I want to change to prepaid & got cheaper in rates (Youth club). After went back to lab, I've got a msg from him... It's awkward to hav a msg from him becoz we didn't realy contact each other. He said dat I was 'sombong' becoz didn't greet him. I was surprised becoz I didn't notice he was at the booth too buying reload... Well I thot dat is not a big deal. I'm not sure how long was the gap but I think maybe a few days after I've got a msg again. He told me dat he saw me crossing the street wif my zebra's bag. And also another day at the library, he saw me in green... AndI dunno why, I always didn't notice him....Starting dat day we always SMS to each other. Ok, later I'll continue writing ok....I like to write it here becoz it's like a diary to me and I want to keep it to me...As long as I know what I wrote... :)

Bila Cinta- GIO (male version)

Bila cinta kini
Tak lagi bermakna
Yang ku rasa kini
Hanyalah nestapa
Ditinggalkan cinta masa lalu

Dulu kau tawarkan
Manisnya janjimu
Dan ku sambut itu
Dengan segenap hatiku
Hingga engkau pergi
Tinggalkanku

Hilangnya cintamu
Menusuk hatiku
Hingga ku memilih
Cinta yang fana

Perginya dirimu
merobek jantungku
Hingga ku terjatuh
Dalam harapan

Ku sebut namamu
di setiap doaku
Bangkitkan setiap
kenangan tentangmu
yang ku dapat hanyalah bayangmu

Hilangnya cintamu
Menusuk hatiku
Hingga ku memilih
Cinta yang fana

Perginya dirimu
merobek jantungku
Hingga ku terjatuh
Dalam harapan
Uuu…
Di dalam harapan..

Hilangnya cintamu
Menusuk hatiku
Hingga ku memilih
Cinta yang fana

Perginya dirimu
merobek jantungku
Hingga ku terjatuh
Dalam harapan…

Bestfriend or boyfriend???

It's almost a year I try to muv on, leaving memories wif Mr. R... Now I'm targetting new one... Hehehe But there are too many buts in this relationship. Is he juz like Mr. R who juz like to be friend wif me and not more than dat. But believe me, sumtimes I feel really close to him... He always asked me out... The other day, I went out to McD Setiawangsa wif him to watch football Oranje vs Japan. Not so many people there but the most important thing we share our stories. Laughing together & gossipping together... I know we're happy together... But I know, he juz treat me as a friend... Not more than dat... Proof? For example, I pay myself for anything I bought. And also from the 'janda' story...
Want to hear bout the 'janda' story? Well, I dun really know about her but he always tell me dat, the 'janda' wants him so bad... But he always ignore her and treat her juz like his any girl frens... (I think I'm one of his common girl fren)... Well, about the story... The other day, he went to clinic becoz he had a fever... And he sms me about things happen at the clinic... So, I replied his messages like usual but sumthing weird happen... Yes, he did mention 'horny' but he never meant to do sumthing about it to me... REALLY! The message sounds like dis
He:"Horny baby orghhh kiss me kiss me"
Me:"Are u talking to me?"
He:"Ahh dun be shy hunny b.. i know u want it too...Alejandro"
Me:"Are u okay?"
He:"Ohhh ahh hit me baby. hit me, hit me more"
Me:"Hey, dats woman's script."
He:"*z** is sleeping. Dis is his fren. hehhe"
Me:"Oh ok, juz let him sleep. Good boy"
He:"Who r u? Are u the one who always contact him?"
Me:"No, dats not me. That's janda"
He:"Janda who?"
Me:"Well, it's a secret"
He:"I'm May*****. He's sleeping at the office"
At that time, I thought he was playing wif me, but it's true... Sumone did sumthing to his fon and delete all the messages...And u know wat, the 'janda' replied the messages... He ask me the next day about it and said "why did u mention 'janda'... Juz answer dat u r one of my fren"... At dat time, I realize myself again dat I'm juz one of his fren. Pity me huh...
Hmmm sumtimez I juz can't accept the truth, why did he chose another girl to fall in love wif but DAT girl never appreciates him... She is wif sumone else, and I'm the one who understands him (at least dat is wat I believe). And another fact is I'm pretty and kind and always be there for him...Many boys will try to make me to be their gf but I ignore them. And he juz can't see me!! My heart is not open for others but only for him... Why and WHY?!!!
But sumetimez I try to blind myself wif lies so dat I believe he is into me, it's juz the time is not right yet...For example, after the game, he ask me for a movie...Toystory3...Believe me, I never reject him...All his invitations are always a great idea for me unless I really can't. Eventhough I did promise to get home early but I always neglect it juz for him....Arghhh I'm really falling for him... The next morning, my sister & brother asked about the night,"what time did u get back home?" & "With whom?"...The truth is I was going out wif ONLY him. And then went movie ONLY wif him...And then my sister asked "are both of u couple?" I said "No, we're juz frens". And my brother asked," do you like him? or he likes u" and I answer, "No, he treats me juz like a fren" But my sister didn't believe "I dun believe you. I will never ask sumone dat I dun like to watch muvi with. Only both of u. At night??? After 10pm???" In my heart, I said to myself, "I'm happy if that is the truth, I wish dat he's into me... But he is not. Dear Allah, plz help ur slave... I'm too weak to face the reality...Plz give me a happy news.. I juz want to hear from him that he LUVs me. Until when shud I live a lonely life, and for how long shud I wait for Mr. Right... If he's not meant for me, plz show me who is my Mr. Right...I'm sick rite now..Not sure how long I can survive wif dis feeling"

i want to be free!

Sumtimez i think i'm really a stubborn person...eventhough my sister asked me to stay at home, i will never do dat... i prefer to hangout wif frens especially weekdays' nights...i dun mind if me & my frens juz talking, gossiping or anything else...the most important thing is i'm boring doing nothing...i dunno whether i'm really a bad youngest sister or i'm a normal person who juz wanna hav fun...i keep on giving excuses so dat i'm away from home..am i mean to my sis???

We Love MJ

Huhuuhu last night was unexpecting night. Watching 'This Is It' gives me positive impacts about MJ. Actually I'm not really a big fan of MJ, err actually not really a fan. I only knew he did exists until he died few months ago. Hmmm I want to make some review about last nite show. How am I to start? OK, when my bro asked me to join to watch the muvi, I'm not really excited. But he said, it's his treat... So, why not? Heheheh when I stepped into the hall last nite, there are few people only sharing the hall with us. I was wondering why. Thought dat this is sumthing dat people wait for a long time. I asked Hanna, and she said she oso dunno but at One Utama, the tickets were sold out. After the muvi, my bro said, actually our hall was 2nd hall. The 1st hall is full. So, forget about dat. We talk about the muvi. It started wif the dancers who selected all over the world. Saying TQs to MJ and how they really appreciated it, the chance to be in his show and it's like a dream come true. So the story is about preparing the concert that supposed to be held in July. But he can't make it. From the story many things I had noticed. First, he is really kind, humble, softspoken. When he asked the music director, he asked him politely. And most of the time phrases "God bless you" and "I Love You" are on his lips. Saying TQs, that is very sweet. For me, it's very seldom for me to meet people who is very easy to say TQ and really appreciate what people did for him/her. We shud learn dis from him. To be good and kind to everyone around us. He loves this planet, so we shud too. His msg "Heal the world" thru this documentary, we can feel it. We oso can see he loves kids. Well, everyone knows dat. Next thing is, at his age, 50 years old. He looks healthy and still fit. But juz now I read about him, he had aneroxia when he was young and become a vegetarian. Maybe because he danced a lot too. So the moral of the story, dance while u can. For a healthy lifestyle...hohoho juz kidding. But I really impressed how he danced. Plus he dances while he sings! He really knows how to control his breathing, vocal and etc. The music is in him! No one can do moonwalk juz like him. No one juz can't. Dat is wat really special about MJ. ;> Third thing is he is really committed to his work. When he tests the sound, he knows what he wants. And he knows what his fans expected from him. "We give what they want". All his doings are only for his fans. I'm sure the satisfaction is there when we can satisfied others. The other thing is he tries to help new stars to shine. He gathers dancers all over the world juz to help them acknowledged. The backup singers, the gitarists...All of them are new to me. But he chose best from the best. Sumtimes there are a lot of people who r talented but they don't hav the chance to show it... Well, this is it. Watching this documentary makes my opinions changed about MJ. Before this I hav a thought he is a freak because he transformed himself from black to white. And rumours said about his plastic faces and body will torn out. But till last nite it looks fine to me. And about the molestation, I dun really believe it. People do things for money and if he really did, it's all about his history. Maybe because his parents not really good to him. Especially his father. Well we dun really know. Wow, that's a lot to write about this person. Maybe u shud watch it by yourself. And then u'll understand. Me who is not really like him trying to understand and starting to like him eventhough it's too late. At least he gave me a good & positive impressions after his death. His death means we lose sumone who is very special, who is very kind, a star and loving is what he spreads. Inspire others to success and inspire others to inspire others too. Got what I meant? IF he really Muslim, may Allah bless him. Hope that all good deeds he did paid in good ways. Rest in peace....

dunno

now he's in kl... attending a workshop
he said dat he didn't reply my msg bcoz his line was barred
i dunno whether it's true or not...
usually i had a feeling dat i want to meet him...
but now my heart 'tawar' nak jumpe...
maybe bcoz i dunno how to react then
i juz replied "slamat berworkshop"
then he replied "ok"
i dun want to ask "for how long are u here" or "what time to what time is ur workshop"
those questions will attract "would u like to meet me" answer...
i wonder what will i reply if he asked me dat...
i dunno buddy...
my heart was hurt
i dun want to make it worse
i wanna keep us as a fren and when i hav a bf, i dunno what our relation is
i juz dunno

addicted to u

help me, i'm addicted to the internet...
it seems like i'm 24 hours in front of my laptop...
eventhough my intention was to study n searching articles thru the websites...
but then i keep on updating my facebook, playing games...
this is really dangerous coz ican't study...
please...change for your future
love yourself...

hope

talking to friends...sharing my problem about R really give me headache...
so many thoughts & opinions... makes me more confusing than b4...
i believe i'll do it my own way...
i wonder why am i so excited to tell my story to others...
maybe this is my 1st luv
or maybe i am hoping dat he will come back to me....soon

forgive n forget?

he asked forgiveness from me... but i'm not sure he apologized for what?
for making me sad?
or for giving me lie hope?
he said he never touch other girls excluding me and his gf...
he confessed dat he likes me...
well, like doesn't give me any meaning...
i dunno what he really wants from me...
he is really greedy to ask more than he should hav...
it's only me or her...
pliz, dun make me confuse

I'm desperate & hurt!!!

Really...
I dun know what i really feel... but everytime i hav a chance to talk wif sumbody, i'll always try to tell my story...about him...always about him!!!
i showed them his pic, our lovely pic...
eventhough the real story is really hurt me...
It's like I want to tell the world my sad story n they will help me to return him back to me...
But then everyone kept saying juz forget him...
For me, he is mine, and his girlfriend did steal him from me...
It's juz not fair... Why can't I hav a happy ever after ending story???
All my story will end wif hopeless of me...
If I hav a choice I'll commit suicide but that's not the way to solve a problem...
That's not the way to live a life, no I would never do dat...
I think I really desperate... I need sumbody new to heal my soul..
I really need new Mr Right...
Oh Allah, plz hear my request... I know I had changed...
Is this my punishment? But why does sumone bad, they're happy
And good people

Don't by agnes monica

you came into my life offered me a lot of things to share
took me to the greatest place that i’ve never been there
you’ve touched a lot of space
every single words from you seemed nice
but i’ve never knew that you’re just like another guy
sometimes i wondered why
why you could be so unkind
but then i realized the funniest thing was
me who believed everything that you said

don’t look at me like you really love me
don’t say you love me if you don’t want me
don’t say you’re sorry cause it’s not gonna change everything
that you’ve done and you think it was fun
don’t come to me if you plan to leave me
don’t hold me tight if you try to harm me
don’t think it’s easy to be the one
that you love and forget
and the things are not quite interesting