saya sedih dan sakit ati

Sangatla sakit ati!!!!...y my love story mcm ni?...mengharap pada 'org yg x sudi'....'org yg x sudi' tu plak asek cerita pasal 'kwn kite'...'kwn kite' plak still macam mempermainkan perasaan 'org yg x sudi'...WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON??? xbleh nak tdo kerana sngt sedih dan sakit ati... i know he trusted me bcoz i'm her best fren...but y shud u tell me those stories? it seems like u need my help and i try to help u but it didn't work...so i'm sorry, really2 sorry..and yet if u need my help, suddenly u came into my life again and all what u care is about she, she & she...plz la jgn cite lg...sy sakit tau x...sakit sngt2 dbuat cenggini...mmg slh sy, sy x bgtau awk tp sy takut nak bgtau awk sbb sy takut awk lari drpd sy utk selamanya...plz jgn seksa sy lg boleyh?...awk buat sy menangis jugak mcm R buat kat sy...sy xtau nak buat...if la kan org baca blog ni blh x bg opinion? what shud i do? sy jahat sbb bmuke2 jugak...tp sume tanggung dlm ati...maybe slh sy jugak...i'm not attractive enough for him...xnampak sy langsung...nampak dy sorg je...tp siyesly sy dah pnat dgr sume ni...blh x jgn cite psl dy...u r killing me softly...daym it!

pemalas

"bila aku tengok ko x belajar, aku pon cam terpengaruh sama...ko maen laptop, aku pon cam nak men same...kalo aku pegi bilik org len, sume org semangat nak study" <--- aku la bersalah kiranya dalam hal ni...huh, padahal dy pon sama je stress pas exam... logik la aku mls nak study ari ni...tp thank you la sebab ajak aku study sama... at least xdela kosong sangat otak ni... tp aku amik ati ayat ko tadi.. pening plak kpala aku nih... mintak maap la kalo aku menyebabkan ko malas jugak tp aku rasa aku pon bnyk terpengaruh ngn ko jugak... ko asek bawak aku jalan2... tengok apa dah jadi kat aku sekarang... i'm addicted u know... tp overall mmg la salah aku...aku yg sangat terbawak2, x pandai nak bahagi masa...sigh, knape la aku jadi pemalas mcm ni... ni last sem tau, kalo ko xwat elok2 xyahla grad...pastu ko mengecewakan mak ko & memalukan family...terok betol la ko ni, xkan x hensap lagi!!! tp dalam hati satu lagi kata, "aku mmg dah xnak belajar...cam dah giv up tp sbb mak bg harapan tinggi, hutang nanti cane nak bayar... pastu asek extend je belajar... bila nak abes??? asek nak susahkan org je???dah2 la blogging tu, meh study... esok nak exam nih jgn mls2 ok

Mr. A-N

The other day i try an application at facebook... I forgot what is the name of the application... But if i'm not mistaken, who is ur bf's name (first & last letter)... well, i got A.......N huhuhuhu suddenly a name appeared in my head... so i named him Mr. A-N... only me knows the real name of him....hihihi

Friday morning, i wanted to send a sms to him but i changed my mind later... my heart said dat he will contact me soon... And dat midnight, he called me... It surprises me... Is it a coincidence or is it deja vu. Yeah, he is a maniac... He asked 'nafkah batin' from me... LOL! he is not serious, believe me... I dunno why did he always joking about those things (durex, what happens when a girl get excited, tips how to hav a big breast, he pretend to be a maknyah & etc)... I really wander... I asked a male fren not so long time ago... A man will talk dirty not with his loved ones...

When i remember dat thing, i always remind myself dat he's not into me... And i asked him once why did he always talk dirty with me... he said dat i always 'layan' him... What he meant was i'm a good listener and also a good responder... i guess... but sumtimes i do feel dat he will come to me when he is bored... nothing to do...and maybe i'm the last one from the list...

Like i said he likes my fren not me... And God, plz give me strength to live my life... I tried to forget him and i'm sure he'll never ever lost contact with me... I think he really trust me as a fren, a good fren... I remembered when he told me a story about his excoursemate... dat gal is beautiful, sexy but she is a smoker & not virgin... i asked him why dun u try to get her... he said dat "i'm different... when my head says dat she's only a fren, she is... usually i will fall for a gal which i dun know her yet"... dush! a punch got straight to my chest.... dat means i will never had a chance to be with him... see truth is pain...but i still hopping sumday he'll accept me or i will find sumone new...

Yeah, plz open my heart for sumone else...erk i think the right say is "Ya Allah, meet me sumone new...at least he will try to 'ngorat' me... pity me, i'm single for a long time oready"... huh, i still remember a gal fren asked me "u hav a lot of male frens and not one of them is ur bf???"...dush another punch... punch over punch and yet there is no sign of getting new one.... or is it becoz of i'm HEARTLESS??... deym it, I'M MISS HEARTLESS...

Okla, Mr A-N... I want to go to bed... this song is for you.... Muahhhsss

UNTUK SELAMANYA


Andainya ku pergi
Usah disesali
Kerana ku sangsi
Adakah cinta masih di sini

Andainya kau tahu
Ku mencintaimu
Ku pasti dirimu
Tak akan tegar melukaiku

Sampai bila akan begini
Menyimpan rahsia hati
Relakanlah aku pergi
Walau cinta masih di hati
Dan air mata menemani
Langkah ku yang semakin tak pasti
Membawa kelukaan ini

Bila sampai waktu nanti
Ku harap kau kan mengerti
Mungkin bahagia atau derita
takdir ku terima

Andainya kau tahu
Ku mencintaimu
Ku pasti dirimu
Tak akan tegar melukaiku

Sampai bila akan begini menyimpan rahsia hati
Relakanlah aku pergi
Walau cinta masih di hati
Dan air mata menemani
Langkahku yang semakin tak pasti
Membawa kelukaan ini
Bila sampai waktu nanti
Ku harap kau kan mengerti
Mungkin bahagia atau derita
takdir ku terima

Oh Tuhan tunjukkanlah cahaya kebenaran
Kenangan bersamamu
Kan bersemadi untuk selamanya

Abg sy suke membebel...

Ya, abg sy suke membebel...macam pompuan! I know la sy x pandai... sy student yg extend, pemalas... i know i deserved the bebelan tp now it coz me tension... mood utk study smakin hilang (ragu2 kewujudan mood itu)... "asal result ko teruk, x konvo2, bile ko nak keje ni" bla3...huhu yeah, it's the truth... like i said truth is pain...i admit that everything he said are the truths... it's juz me who doesn't want to believe it..."asek kuar je, belajar malas"..hmmm i dunno...actually i was a hardworking student before but after how many years of studying, my motivation decreases slowly.... hmmm i miss old ME... Ya Allah bukakanlah pintu hati hambaMu ini untuk belajar bersungguh2...insaflah wahai insan, kelak dikau akan menyesal jika tidak berubah dari sekarang....Allah tidak akan mengubah nasib sesuatu kaum melainkan kaum itu sendiri mengubahnya...my exams will start in december but it doesn't mean dat i can 'goyang kaki'... INSAFLAH....JANGAN LEKA BERFACEBOOK JE!!!! SAYANGI MAK, JANGAN BIAR DIA KECEWA... plz keep diz quote in mind because i know u are a manusia....manusia means org yg mudah lupa...

Face The TRUTH!

Dis afternoon my supervisor came to observe our place... He was impressed wif the environment here... He asked us a few questions about work place and other things too. But there are things really hurt me. He said dat he more attracted to Miss Y. I dun know... I do admit I dun know how to speak very well like her.. But for me she speaks craps eventhough she looks very confident.... If he lives with her, he will know the truth... All she said were lies for me... Dunt ever trust her... Hypocryte! Hmmm am I jealous? Maybe but sumtimes I think the most important thing is to be yourself... Yes, I know I'm not dat good but she is a fake. And she got all the credits... Dis is not fair!! Well, I think I hav to face the truth... Be better person yea! Dun live on history but let the history teach you become a better person

JoT iT DoWn!

Do you know what? I like to keep several msgs dat I wanna reread it for myself.... It's like syok sendiri msg..hhiihihi
1. "ok set. minggu ni sy dpt mkn ct ***** masak.. yeay. lalala" (22/2/10 8.55pm)
"nk awk msk ;P" (26/2/2010 11.25pm)
- dis is my 1st time cooking for sumone... at that time i was hesitate becoz there is nothing between us but i do like him. and he seems really want me to cook for him...so i cooked spaghetti. i learned from my sis and do it myself... at dat time, his college has a festival(ptb if i'm not mistaken) and next week got midsem exams....I asked him out before but he wants to study. Me & Miss Y want to watch "My Name is Khan" at that time....Luckily Miss Y has a car & can help me to send the spaghetti to him. At that time it was very hot plus the air-cond was broken..When we arrive at his hostel, he gave us 2 pepsis & a jumper...(Miss Y always got problem with her car battery)...Waaaa how understanding he is...
2. "jom sarapan" (7/3/10 7.37am)
-dis msg i wasn't expected and i read it an hour after. I was awake at dat time and having my breakfast alone. When i replied, he said he oready had his breakfast, i was too late. hmm i accuse him 'hangat2 tahi ayam' coz i thot he didn't mean it.... actually he was from airport sending his supervisor.
3. "mkn xingt org..nk ckit..dh bka mulot :0 aaa (10/3/10 9.19pm)
'bkak mulot..aaa luas2 luas2" (11/3/10 7.37am)
-the first msg was when me, my sis & my brother in law went celebrating my sis bestday...we went for satay sahmuri at the uptown. nothing actually but i think dat msg is so cute... the next msg is when he was in his sister's house at ampang while his mother there too...he told me dat he was making breakfast... luckily i was awake at that time...hihih usually i still on my bed :D
4. mms photo of his car at workshop (13/3/2010 2.28am) "ds ni manja betol"
- luckily he was saved.... the brake was broken, almost got accident at duke highway....
5."lol.stahun lbih lg kot. klo sy kje tv3 bleh la duk sna. sy angkat awk jd bibik sy k. hahaha" (13/3/2010 3.21pm)
"hahaha blum ape2 dh up. xleh2 awk kna keja 24/7 =P" (13/3/2010 3.25pm)
-those msgs i kept...others i delete but i still can remember...i think so huhu...at dat time i was texting him bout how tired i was cleaning the house. and he asked how about the new house, who will clean it and who will stay at the current house. i asked him wether he wants to rent it? but a year after...ahahahha he wants me to be his bibik...i told him dat it's quite hard but i can clean it every saturday and mark up my salary...hahahha he said dat i shud stay wif him, stay at the small room near the kitchen...i told him...it is my room...hahah we had a long chat about that..

Prologue

It starts from Miss N... We are good frens actually since our pre-u... Hmm she knows him thru internet...I'm not sure how but i do admit Miss N likes to make a lot of frens, different from me... So when she went to kl(i think it's 2 years ago), she stayed wif me a night at my hostel. But the next morning they meet up at McD section 14... As usual, she will ask me to come along... As a fren, I'm hard to say NO... When I met him at the first time, I thought he was a senior. Becoz the way he behave, he looks very confident, the way he talk to us, very polite, softspoken and matured. I'm quite impressed with his attitude.
I thought they will be a couple becoz it seems dat he will do anything for her. Met her and her dad at the airport before depart. Always keep in touch(call everyday?)...For me a boyfren will do dat... I saw his concern and really envy of her. She is lucky to have him. But the 'couple thing' was did not happen. I try to help him to have Miss N back but she won't listen & told me, "he shud wif sumone better". And Miss N told me what she dislikes about him, plus she said she is 'tawar hati' oready. I dunno wat really happen between 2 of them. But some of her statements, i do agree he's like dat. But for me it is natural if a guy will say sumthing like dat. We r no more a teenager...We r old enough to accept certain facts.
Hmm well I thot I will never see him again becoz Miss N is not around. But not so long(maybe a month) after she went back to Kch, he asked me to join him for supper. He looks really messed up & tired. He said he was at the lab before he came to meet me at my college's cafe. I dunno, even I only met him once, I didn't feel awkward spending time wif him. Eating and hav a talk. Actually I dun really remember what we had discuss but the other day he said he still remember dat I suggest him to choose the best for his practical's location. REALLY! I dun remember about dis. Becoz dat happen maybe in two years ago. Huhu
How did we getting close now? Hmmm yes, he did save my fon no before. But I did not know dat he still kept it. I think it starts last year. Not so long after I got issue with Mr. R. Me & Miss Y were having our lunch at 12th residential. And there is a booth selling Hotlink's sim cards & reloads. Miss Y was buying a simcard for her nephew. And I thot of buying new one too becoz for certain reasons...hehehe dun want to mention it here...The most important think I want to buy it becoz I want to change to prepaid & got cheaper in rates (Youth club). After went back to lab, I've got a msg from him... It's awkward to hav a msg from him becoz we didn't realy contact each other. He said dat I was 'sombong' becoz didn't greet him. I was surprised becoz I didn't notice he was at the booth too buying reload... Well I thot dat is not a big deal. I'm not sure how long was the gap but I think maybe a few days after I've got a msg again. He told me dat he saw me crossing the street wif my zebra's bag. And also another day at the library, he saw me in green... AndI dunno why, I always didn't notice him....Starting dat day we always SMS to each other. Ok, later I'll continue writing ok....I like to write it here becoz it's like a diary to me and I want to keep it to me...As long as I know what I wrote... :)