forgive n forget?

he asked forgiveness from me... but i'm not sure he apologized for what?
for making me sad?
or for giving me lie hope?
he said he never touch other girls excluding me and his gf...
he confessed dat he likes me...
well, like doesn't give me any meaning...
i dunno what he really wants from me...
he is really greedy to ask more than he should hav...
it's only me or her...
pliz, dun make me confuse

I'm desperate & hurt!!!

Really...
I dun know what i really feel... but everytime i hav a chance to talk wif sumbody, i'll always try to tell my story...about him...always about him!!!
i showed them his pic, our lovely pic...
eventhough the real story is really hurt me...
It's like I want to tell the world my sad story n they will help me to return him back to me...
But then everyone kept saying juz forget him...
For me, he is mine, and his girlfriend did steal him from me...
It's juz not fair... Why can't I hav a happy ever after ending story???
All my story will end wif hopeless of me...
If I hav a choice I'll commit suicide but that's not the way to solve a problem...
That's not the way to live a life, no I would never do dat...
I think I really desperate... I need sumbody new to heal my soul..
I really need new Mr Right...
Oh Allah, plz hear my request... I know I had changed...
Is this my punishment? But why does sumone bad, they're happy
And good people

Don't by agnes monica

you came into my life offered me a lot of things to share
took me to the greatest place that i’ve never been there
you’ve touched a lot of space
every single words from you seemed nice
but i’ve never knew that you’re just like another guy
sometimes i wondered why
why you could be so unkind
but then i realized the funniest thing was
me who believed everything that you said

don’t look at me like you really love me
don’t say you love me if you don’t want me
don’t say you’re sorry cause it’s not gonna change everything
that you’ve done and you think it was fun
don’t come to me if you plan to leave me
don’t hold me tight if you try to harm me
don’t think it’s easy to be the one
that you love and forget
and the things are not quite interesting

My criteria

sumtimes i really think that i am pathetic.. or maybe desperate...
like i can't live single day without him... but actually i'm living without him for many years
i really dunno what makes him so special dat makes me can't accept others
hmmm the truth fact is i really need a boyfren now cuz i'm 22 already
becoming 23 next april...waaa if i delay my time to hav a bf, i'm delaying my time to get married
but when talking about bf, i dun want to simply choose them
there a lot of criterias i would like him to hav. the most important thing is he is not a smoker. yesterday i post my status "is it wrong to reject smoker?"...and i got many commenters...they all agreeing wif me...a girl told me her story about his bf who promise to stop if they're couple, but now stil can't fulfil his promise. pity her coz she tries to advice him but then ignored by his bf... life is tough...i think next is his personality:funny & intelligent...he has charisma dat people respect him too...hav big dream n hav a plan for future...n the most preferable is sumone who can sing for me...karaoke i guess...everyone can sing but not everyone can sing wif nice voice... like sumone gentle, care for me...hmmm about look i dun really mind...at least he is not ugly like a clown...it's ok for me if he's not fair like my brother in laws but if he's fair so it's a package...huhuhu after writing this, am i expecting too much? simple isn't it...okla need to recharge myself, hoping that tomorrow will never dies :)

can't lose him

hmmm after more than a week i replied that email
i made a decision to stay as a fren wif him
coz i think there's no much difference
he always contact me very seldom
hopping that everything will be like before eventhough i will feel awkward
actually while writing the email i thought to tell him the truth
but i'm afraid he will feel very guilty
if he knows i waited for him more than 3 years
if he knows how i rejected others because i believe in him
if he knows how i'm expecting more
and if he knows how i feel when he's around
well, i keep the email short so that it wont realy hurt him
love is cruel! i hav to be patience juz to take care of his feeling
i'm afraid that i'll lose him forever
so it's better be fren wif broken heart than never hav a chance to be with im anymore
time will tell

now u know

luckily he did replied my email but i dun know, it seems like he's not giving me the right answer. eventhough it's exactly what i thought b4. he said it's a lie if he doesn't hav any feeling to me. he really sori coz he made me feeling like dis. He's hoping me not to put him far from my heart, stay frens becoz he can't leave his girlfren in his life...nonsense!!! What he is expecting from me? A long life scandal??? Huhuhu dat's not realy me...i dun know what to say...i juz so sad bcoz we can't be as i expected...juz frens? i'm expecting more....after you had done to me u juz wanna be a fren of mine??? world is juz not fair!!! u know what, i cried juz now...it has been a long time i didn't cry...feeling relieved...well, i didn't reply his email yet..becoz i want him to feel what i felt...and actually i want to see what would happen if i juz ignore him...hehehe actually i dun realy mind if he won't leave his gf... but the thing is what would happen to me if sumday i hav my own bf or got married, what would my bf/husband will think...i'm cheated him??? no way, pluz if i'm his gf, what will i feel?? and i can't hav feeling to others if i'm with him...dis is what we called loyalty...hehee

Don't u ever come back again!!!

Yesterday I wrote an email for him, i asked him whether he liked me or not...
I said if he does, thank you but i need him to answer a few questions.. .
But if he doesn't, i'm begging him not to contact me again...
Do you know what is his answer???
He remained silent...I BENGANG!!!
How dare he did this to me? I'm not a tunggul ok...
So i deleted him from my facebook, my tagged wif note "thank you for everything and sorry for anything. bubbye"
Well, I'm done... I hav to muv on..
Maybe he's juz not the one
I really nekad dis time...If next time he tried to come back to me, I will treat him the same he did me... If he doesn't, good la... I got others waiting for me...
Maybe better than him..
I need someone who treats me well ok
Not only when we're near but far also...
Plz Allah, give me signs so dat I know who is my Mr. right
I'm really lonely...especially after my sisters got married...
Soon is my turn...
I need a steady boyfriend...
I'm not desperate but I need to get ready, need to know him well first...
Hopefully the time will come soon :)

Rossa - Atas Nama Cinta

Aku wanita yang punya cinta di hati
Dan dirimu dan dirinya dalam hidupku
Mengapa terlambat cintamu telah termiliki
Sedang diriku dengan dia tak begitu cinta

Mengapa yang lain bisa
Mendua dengan mudahnya
Namun kita terbelenggu
Dalam ikatan tanpa cinta

Reff:
Atas nama cinta
Hati ini tak mungkin terbagi
Sampai nanti bila aku mati
Cinta ini hanya untuk engkau
Atas nama cinta
Kurelakan jalanku merana
Asal engkau akhirnya denganku
Kubersumpah atas nama cinta

Mengapa yang lain bisa
Mendua dengan mudahnya
Namun kita terbelenggu
Dalam ikatan tanpa cinta

Ulang reff

He wrote dis???

i found he wrote this in his profile. i'm not sure, did he write for me or his gf.... if it's for me, i realy hav to muv on...
"kekasihku.... jangan bersedih lagi, keringkanlah titisan air mata di pipi, kekasihku.. tabahkan hatimu, sekalipun tak pernah terduga, halangan yang melanda, melenyapkan impian bersama... jangan dikesali atas apa yang terjadi, mungkin rahmat sebaliknya membuahkan bahagia, kekasihku, aku tahu, kita sama saling percaya, tidak pernah ada dusta, kasih antara kita, jangan berduka, jangan berdendam pada sesiapa, bersabarlah menerima segala-galanya, dengan redha........ mungkin suatu hari, kita akan bersama lagi, aku masih mengharap segalanya kan berulang semula....."

worth it or not

last wednesday, he did ym me...but i didn't reply..
but nothing happens after dat..i was hoping dat he will sms or call me
is he realy playing on me? if so, it's not worth it to wait for him
shud i wait or not?
bcoz my heart says dat we were meant together....