We Love MJ

Huhuuhu last night was unexpecting night. Watching 'This Is It' gives me positive impacts about MJ. Actually I'm not really a big fan of MJ, err actually not really a fan. I only knew he did exists until he died few months ago. Hmmm I want to make some review about last nite show. How am I to start? OK, when my bro asked me to join to watch the muvi, I'm not really excited. But he said, it's his treat... So, why not? Heheheh when I stepped into the hall last nite, there are few people only sharing the hall with us. I was wondering why. Thought dat this is sumthing dat people wait for a long time. I asked Hanna, and she said she oso dunno but at One Utama, the tickets were sold out. After the muvi, my bro said, actually our hall was 2nd hall. The 1st hall is full. So, forget about dat. We talk about the muvi. It started wif the dancers who selected all over the world. Saying TQs to MJ and how they really appreciated it, the chance to be in his show and it's like a dream come true. So the story is about preparing the concert that supposed to be held in July. But he can't make it. From the story many things I had noticed. First, he is really kind, humble, softspoken. When he asked the music director, he asked him politely. And most of the time phrases "God bless you" and "I Love You" are on his lips. Saying TQs, that is very sweet. For me, it's very seldom for me to meet people who is very easy to say TQ and really appreciate what people did for him/her. We shud learn dis from him. To be good and kind to everyone around us. He loves this planet, so we shud too. His msg "Heal the world" thru this documentary, we can feel it. We oso can see he loves kids. Well, everyone knows dat. Next thing is, at his age, 50 years old. He looks healthy and still fit. But juz now I read about him, he had aneroxia when he was young and become a vegetarian. Maybe because he danced a lot too. So the moral of the story, dance while u can. For a healthy lifestyle...hohoho juz kidding. But I really impressed how he danced. Plus he dances while he sings! He really knows how to control his breathing, vocal and etc. The music is in him! No one can do moonwalk juz like him. No one juz can't. Dat is wat really special about MJ. ;> Third thing is he is really committed to his work. When he tests the sound, he knows what he wants. And he knows what his fans expected from him. "We give what they want". All his doings are only for his fans. I'm sure the satisfaction is there when we can satisfied others. The other thing is he tries to help new stars to shine. He gathers dancers all over the world juz to help them acknowledged. The backup singers, the gitarists...All of them are new to me. But he chose best from the best. Sumtimes there are a lot of people who r talented but they don't hav the chance to show it... Well, this is it. Watching this documentary makes my opinions changed about MJ. Before this I hav a thought he is a freak because he transformed himself from black to white. And rumours said about his plastic faces and body will torn out. But till last nite it looks fine to me. And about the molestation, I dun really believe it. People do things for money and if he really did, it's all about his history. Maybe because his parents not really good to him. Especially his father. Well we dun really know. Wow, that's a lot to write about this person. Maybe u shud watch it by yourself. And then u'll understand. Me who is not really like him trying to understand and starting to like him eventhough it's too late. At least he gave me a good & positive impressions after his death. His death means we lose sumone who is very special, who is very kind, a star and loving is what he spreads. Inspire others to success and inspire others to inspire others too. Got what I meant? IF he really Muslim, may Allah bless him. Hope that all good deeds he did paid in good ways. Rest in peace....

dunno

now he's in kl... attending a workshop
he said dat he didn't reply my msg bcoz his line was barred
i dunno whether it's true or not...
usually i had a feeling dat i want to meet him...
but now my heart 'tawar' nak jumpe...
maybe bcoz i dunno how to react then
i juz replied "slamat berworkshop"
then he replied "ok"
i dun want to ask "for how long are u here" or "what time to what time is ur workshop"
those questions will attract "would u like to meet me" answer...
i wonder what will i reply if he asked me dat...
i dunno buddy...
my heart was hurt
i dun want to make it worse
i wanna keep us as a fren and when i hav a bf, i dunno what our relation is
i juz dunno

addicted to u

help me, i'm addicted to the internet...
it seems like i'm 24 hours in front of my laptop...
eventhough my intention was to study n searching articles thru the websites...
but then i keep on updating my facebook, playing games...
this is really dangerous coz ican't study...
please...change for your future
love yourself...

hope

talking to friends...sharing my problem about R really give me headache...
so many thoughts & opinions... makes me more confusing than b4...
i believe i'll do it my own way...
i wonder why am i so excited to tell my story to others...
maybe this is my 1st luv
or maybe i am hoping dat he will come back to me....soon

forgive n forget?

he asked forgiveness from me... but i'm not sure he apologized for what?
for making me sad?
or for giving me lie hope?
he said he never touch other girls excluding me and his gf...
he confessed dat he likes me...
well, like doesn't give me any meaning...
i dunno what he really wants from me...
he is really greedy to ask more than he should hav...
it's only me or her...
pliz, dun make me confuse

I'm desperate & hurt!!!

Really...
I dun know what i really feel... but everytime i hav a chance to talk wif sumbody, i'll always try to tell my story...about him...always about him!!!
i showed them his pic, our lovely pic...
eventhough the real story is really hurt me...
It's like I want to tell the world my sad story n they will help me to return him back to me...
But then everyone kept saying juz forget him...
For me, he is mine, and his girlfriend did steal him from me...
It's juz not fair... Why can't I hav a happy ever after ending story???
All my story will end wif hopeless of me...
If I hav a choice I'll commit suicide but that's not the way to solve a problem...
That's not the way to live a life, no I would never do dat...
I think I really desperate... I need sumbody new to heal my soul..
I really need new Mr Right...
Oh Allah, plz hear my request... I know I had changed...
Is this my punishment? But why does sumone bad, they're happy
And good people

Don't by agnes monica

you came into my life offered me a lot of things to share
took me to the greatest place that i’ve never been there
you’ve touched a lot of space
every single words from you seemed nice
but i’ve never knew that you’re just like another guy
sometimes i wondered why
why you could be so unkind
but then i realized the funniest thing was
me who believed everything that you said

don’t look at me like you really love me
don’t say you love me if you don’t want me
don’t say you’re sorry cause it’s not gonna change everything
that you’ve done and you think it was fun
don’t come to me if you plan to leave me
don’t hold me tight if you try to harm me
don’t think it’s easy to be the one
that you love and forget
and the things are not quite interesting

My criteria

sumtimes i really think that i am pathetic.. or maybe desperate...
like i can't live single day without him... but actually i'm living without him for many years
i really dunno what makes him so special dat makes me can't accept others
hmmm the truth fact is i really need a boyfren now cuz i'm 22 already
becoming 23 next april...waaa if i delay my time to hav a bf, i'm delaying my time to get married
but when talking about bf, i dun want to simply choose them
there a lot of criterias i would like him to hav. the most important thing is he is not a smoker. yesterday i post my status "is it wrong to reject smoker?"...and i got many commenters...they all agreeing wif me...a girl told me her story about his bf who promise to stop if they're couple, but now stil can't fulfil his promise. pity her coz she tries to advice him but then ignored by his bf... life is tough...i think next is his personality:funny & intelligent...he has charisma dat people respect him too...hav big dream n hav a plan for future...n the most preferable is sumone who can sing for me...karaoke i guess...everyone can sing but not everyone can sing wif nice voice... like sumone gentle, care for me...hmmm about look i dun really mind...at least he is not ugly like a clown...it's ok for me if he's not fair like my brother in laws but if he's fair so it's a package...huhuhu after writing this, am i expecting too much? simple isn't it...okla need to recharge myself, hoping that tomorrow will never dies :)

can't lose him

hmmm after more than a week i replied that email
i made a decision to stay as a fren wif him
coz i think there's no much difference
he always contact me very seldom
hopping that everything will be like before eventhough i will feel awkward
actually while writing the email i thought to tell him the truth
but i'm afraid he will feel very guilty
if he knows i waited for him more than 3 years
if he knows how i rejected others because i believe in him
if he knows how i'm expecting more
and if he knows how i feel when he's around
well, i keep the email short so that it wont realy hurt him
love is cruel! i hav to be patience juz to take care of his feeling
i'm afraid that i'll lose him forever
so it's better be fren wif broken heart than never hav a chance to be with im anymore
time will tell

now u know

luckily he did replied my email but i dun know, it seems like he's not giving me the right answer. eventhough it's exactly what i thought b4. he said it's a lie if he doesn't hav any feeling to me. he really sori coz he made me feeling like dis. He's hoping me not to put him far from my heart, stay frens becoz he can't leave his girlfren in his life...nonsense!!! What he is expecting from me? A long life scandal??? Huhuhu dat's not realy me...i dun know what to say...i juz so sad bcoz we can't be as i expected...juz frens? i'm expecting more....after you had done to me u juz wanna be a fren of mine??? world is juz not fair!!! u know what, i cried juz now...it has been a long time i didn't cry...feeling relieved...well, i didn't reply his email yet..becoz i want him to feel what i felt...and actually i want to see what would happen if i juz ignore him...hehehe actually i dun realy mind if he won't leave his gf... but the thing is what would happen to me if sumday i hav my own bf or got married, what would my bf/husband will think...i'm cheated him??? no way, pluz if i'm his gf, what will i feel?? and i can't hav feeling to others if i'm with him...dis is what we called loyalty...hehee

Don't u ever come back again!!!

Yesterday I wrote an email for him, i asked him whether he liked me or not...
I said if he does, thank you but i need him to answer a few questions.. .
But if he doesn't, i'm begging him not to contact me again...
Do you know what is his answer???
He remained silent...I BENGANG!!!
How dare he did this to me? I'm not a tunggul ok...
So i deleted him from my facebook, my tagged wif note "thank you for everything and sorry for anything. bubbye"
Well, I'm done... I hav to muv on..
Maybe he's juz not the one
I really nekad dis time...If next time he tried to come back to me, I will treat him the same he did me... If he doesn't, good la... I got others waiting for me...
Maybe better than him..
I need someone who treats me well ok
Not only when we're near but far also...
Plz Allah, give me signs so dat I know who is my Mr. right
I'm really lonely...especially after my sisters got married...
Soon is my turn...
I need a steady boyfriend...
I'm not desperate but I need to get ready, need to know him well first...
Hopefully the time will come soon :)

Rossa - Atas Nama Cinta

Aku wanita yang punya cinta di hati
Dan dirimu dan dirinya dalam hidupku
Mengapa terlambat cintamu telah termiliki
Sedang diriku dengan dia tak begitu cinta

Mengapa yang lain bisa
Mendua dengan mudahnya
Namun kita terbelenggu
Dalam ikatan tanpa cinta

Reff:
Atas nama cinta
Hati ini tak mungkin terbagi
Sampai nanti bila aku mati
Cinta ini hanya untuk engkau
Atas nama cinta
Kurelakan jalanku merana
Asal engkau akhirnya denganku
Kubersumpah atas nama cinta

Mengapa yang lain bisa
Mendua dengan mudahnya
Namun kita terbelenggu
Dalam ikatan tanpa cinta

Ulang reff

He wrote dis???

i found he wrote this in his profile. i'm not sure, did he write for me or his gf.... if it's for me, i realy hav to muv on...
"kekasihku.... jangan bersedih lagi, keringkanlah titisan air mata di pipi, kekasihku.. tabahkan hatimu, sekalipun tak pernah terduga, halangan yang melanda, melenyapkan impian bersama... jangan dikesali atas apa yang terjadi, mungkin rahmat sebaliknya membuahkan bahagia, kekasihku, aku tahu, kita sama saling percaya, tidak pernah ada dusta, kasih antara kita, jangan berduka, jangan berdendam pada sesiapa, bersabarlah menerima segala-galanya, dengan redha........ mungkin suatu hari, kita akan bersama lagi, aku masih mengharap segalanya kan berulang semula....."

worth it or not

last wednesday, he did ym me...but i didn't reply..
but nothing happens after dat..i was hoping dat he will sms or call me
is he realy playing on me? if so, it's not worth it to wait for him
shud i wait or not?
bcoz my heart says dat we were meant together....

My promise

I will wait for him to contact me...
And if he did I will not answer him...
Let him feel what I did...
Later, until he begging on me then i'll consider it.
The Last time I sent him a msg is Sunday (26/7/09)
Remind me k...
Hope that i'm strong enough living without remembering him

Gantung by Melly Goeslow

Ku harus menemui cintaku
Mencari tahu hubungan kita
Apa masih atau tlah berakhir

Chorus:
Kau menggantungkan hubungan ini
Kau diamkan aku tanpa sebab
Maunya apa ku harus bagaimana
Kasih...

Sampai kapan kau gantung
Cerita cintaku memberi harapan
Hingga mungkin ku tak sanggup lagi
Dan meninggalkan dirimu

Detik-detik waktu pun terbuang
Teganya kau menggantung cintaku
Bicaralah biar semua pasti

Chorus

Tentunya hubungan cinta denganmu
Membuat ku sakit
Hingga mungkin ku tak sanggup lagi
Dan meninggalkan dirimu

My Happy Ending-Avril Lavigne

So much for my happy ending...
Oh,x7

Lets talk this over,
It's not like we're dead,
Was it something I did,
Was it something you said?
Don't leave me hanging,
In a city so dead,
Held up so high,
On such a breakable thread.

You were all the things I thought I knew
and I thought we could be...
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be but we lost it
All of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending,
So much for my happy ending.

Oh oh, oh oh
So much for my happy ending

You've got your dumb friends,
I know what they say,
They tell you I'm difficult,
but so are they.
but they don't know me,
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me,
All the shit that you do.

You were all the things I thought I knew
and I thought we could be...

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
All of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

It's nice to know that you were there,
So thanks for acting like you cared
and making me feel like I was the only one.
It's nice to know we had it all,
Thanks for watching as I fall
and letting me know we were done.

He was everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
All of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
All of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh
So much for my happy ending
Oh, oh, oh oh,
Oh oh, oh oh

Is it an end?

dear R,
I dun know what did happen...
Hav i done sumthing wrong to u?
Many questions running in my head...
It's only about 2 weeks the great moments passed...
do u want me to forget it juz like dat?
i know our relationship is not like others...i know it's very complicated
i'm not asking u to leave her... i just want u to be with me, loving me, treat me well...dats all!!!
i realy miss u darling... plz do reply my sms, call me...
earlier week is not to hard to reply at least one msg but now u gave me nothing
u r torturing my soul...it's realy hurt
i juz asked u...r u serious wif me or it's juz a game...
n u didn't answer me neither...
i assumed dat is a no...n if u realy mean it, i think i shud erase u from my mind, my heart
but it's not as easy as i said...
i can't do anything...everything i do, ur face is everywhere
what shud i do? the only medicine is u...
i realy need u...
plz stop torturing me....

Missing him like crazy...

It has been a long time i didn't write my updates....
Well last 2 weeks, i think that is the most precious week...
I went out with R, the long time crush since matrix....
He has LI here in KL since May but i juz came back early July
so we went out when I got here
Tuesday...
We went out after i finished my class around 630 n arrived at sunway pyramid around 8pm..
this is all bcoz of the jam in KL..it's realy horrible!!
u know what, i was surprised when he hugged me from my back
I was speechless & suddenly asked,"why r u suddenly get so serious?"
well, i dun know what to say bcoz i was shocked..realy shocked
what's realy in his mind?
we planned to play bowling, but there's a league so we can't
i asked him to karaoke but i'm afraid we dun hav transports to get back bcoz it will end at 1230am
then idea of ice skating came up but we both dun know how
lastly we made a decision to eat at sushi king...
we ate n talking until the shop is closed...hehehhe
Wednesday...
i finished my class early n i went to library to surf the internet
and i saw him online n we chat....
i told him i finished my class already, n suddenly he asked to go out for karaoke
of course i'm willing to go
so we went to Redbox @ The Gardens...
yeah we sang for the sake 5 hours...huhuhu
and unexpecting scenes do occured...
he suddenly cuddle me, lying on me while i sing, n i realy enjoy this moment
never in my life a boy dare to hug me, & he realy gentle to me...
i liked it... :)
We sang along duet songs...how lovely...
Thursday
Juz went out for dinner at Murni
I asked him to dine there becoz he did mention about dis place...
His fren N also came & I brought Miss Y along
Yup, we had happy moments, talking, joking, great foods...yeah..
Friday...
supposely I went out with him again...
but it's raining heavily...so canceled
Saturday...
We went out for movie, Transformers: The revenge of the fallen
But before d muvi, we played bowling wif his fren, P & his gf, CT
He realy enjoyed the game bcoz he won
He scored strike or spare ONLY!!!
My bowling ball always crawling out of the track...hahhhah
spinning and going into the drain...
we played basketball too... but dis one we played the token machine not in the court
Lastly the muvi...we sat at the couple seats..n hugging the whole muvi
hehehe usually i well went out to the toilet during the muvi but then i didn't bcoz he did warmed me :P
we were holding hands after the muvi n b4 we were apart...
hmmm realy miss dat feeling
miss him
miss him like crazy!!!!!!
love you